every minute without him drags on, and he’s not even gone… like what the actual fuck?
Haley says I should just end it and spare myself the pain, but no matter what it’s gonna hurt, even if I tell him I can’t do it anymore… it will feel the same, I kinda wish I never fell for him to begin with… but I love him so much I’m not sure we’re I’d be without him… maybe it’s useless but I don’t want to just move along and go our separate ways…
no one has ever made me feel so whole like him before. I’m just gonna hope this isn’t the end… sigh.
How to love your depressed lover.
Last night I thought I kissed the loneliness from out your belly button. I thought I did, but later you sat up, all bones and restless hands, and told me there is a knot in your body that I cannot undo. I never know what to say to these things. “It’s okay.” “Come back to bed.” “Please don’t go away again.” Sometimes you are gone for days at a time and it is all I can do not to call the police, file a missing person’s report, even though you are right there, still sleeping next to me in bed. But your eyes are like an empty house in winter: lights left on to scare away intruders. Except in this case I am the intruder and you are already locked up so tight that no one could possibly jimmy their way in. Last night I thought I gave you a reason not to be so sad when I held your body like a high note and we both trembled from the effort.
Some people, though, are sad against all reason, all sensibility, all love. I know better now. I know what to say to the things you admit to me in the dark, all bones and restless hands. “It’s okay.” “You can stay in bed.” “Please come back to me again.
Before I met him, I would dance in the shower.
When he was in my life, I would think about showering with him.
After he left, I would sit on the ground in the shower and cry.
When I got over him, I showered so quickly there was no time for dancing, fantasies or tears.
Someone can invade the smallest parts of your life,
you won’t even realize it until you dance in the shower again
and wonder why you ever stopped.